Thursday, February 08, 2007

if i exorcise my devils my angels may leave too

Forgive me for publishing yet another picture of this painting. I wanted to say something about its creation. Someone almost asked me about it once so I'm taking that as a cue...

Something I have been thinking about for some time is the idea that our personalities cannot easily be divided up into the parts we like to label when we talk about ourselves; ‘sum your self up in 5 words’, that sort of thing. I can’t remember when I realised this about myself, but somewhere in the not-too-distant past I became aware that some of the parts of me that I was desperate to be rid of had their roots in the same place as other parts which I wanted to keep. So maybe I wanted to better at being sociable in the way that I see others can engage with their group at a party or in the pub. But to lose that weird part of me which some cannot accept would also mean losing the eccentricities that other appreciate; perhaps it would mean losing the way I can’t help looking at things; it would mean not being able to write the way I write now or not being able to paint this picture. And I don’t want to lose those things.

A wise person once said to me that the greatest eccentricity lies in constantly striving to conform. It doesn’t mean not striving for anything. And it doesn’t mean never trying to improve on weak areas. But I think maybe it’s dangerous to despise any part of one’s self before looking to see if the roots of it are also the birthplace of some uniquely beautiful facet of personality.

This is what this picture is about. In the end I called it 'The Four Chambers of a Failing Heart'. Light is meaningless without the juxtaposition of dark. Not that we enjoy the dark, but perhaps we can learn to respect our struggles with those things that are hard to speak of.


(Pee Ess My brother-in-law framed this and I think he did a lovely job. Thanks Barry!)

8 comments:

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

ah, there goes tom again - art looks great wise one

to express the inexpressible.....

cs x

mister tumnus said...

thank you paul. yes, there is a lot more to this painting than i could say. it had to be a painting and not a poem or something else. best i could do. thank you for your encourgement. it is good to have you back in blogsville cs (did i say that already?!)

The Father said...

yes I think you are right - I remember having a similiar conversation with todd before eternal sunshine of the mind came out . It was along the lines of whether if we had all our bad memories removed would our good memories still be good - when we had nothing to compare them to. ITs like the old tapestry analogy - when you look at the back there are lots of bits of threads hanging there - but if you try to pull one of them out the whole damn thing unravels . Anyway keep painting - looked good in the exhibition ....

mister tumnus said...

i had never heard the old tapestry analogy before so thanks for that! a very good way to put it. and thanks, as always, for your encouragement mark. it means as much to me now as it did in ye olde days in a certain tart's living room in antrim.

The Father said...

dont you mean Quiche ?

mister tumnus said...

hey man, what's it to ya? thought you'd discarded that mantle....

MJ said...

I love it! Thanks for your post. It was just what I needed today. I am a weird arty person. It means basically that few people understand me. It's frustrating and lonely. It's a comfort to know tat someone else struggles with the same thing. I really like your art, BTW.

mister tumnus said...

thank you very much mj. yay weirdness.